If I woke up next to you,
Would you hate me for
My willingness to give it up?
Humming Hallelujah,
Walking down the halls,
I just want to be a part of you.
But I'm just a dreamer,
Writing things I'm not sure I'll ever feel.
To hell with my good name--
I want to play a dangerous game,
To come home worse for wear.
Teenage love on a gym floor,
Tonight I'll give it all to you...
If only my flawed concience would let me.
The golden rule never seemed so cruel.
I knew the low dance lights were too heavy for me.
Could one careless night
Be so wrong?
Please remember that constructive criticism is very much welcome. ;)
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A very thought provoking poem with a lot more depth to it than seen at first glance. It really feels like it encapsulates the teenage life very well.
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery of the "low dance lights" being "heavy"...but I'm not quite sure what to do with it. The line feels a little out of place. I can sort of link it back to the "love on a gym floor" (another great phrase) relating to the school dance, but I'm still not sure what to make of the weightiness of the low lights.
Thanks, Okie, for the thought about the 'low dance lights.' I guess I didn't even think as to whether or not it would fit in anyone else's head--just in mine.
ReplyDeleteMainly, that line was in reference to the fact that once the lights went low, everything was intensified. every little brush of skin against skin, even every word.
I'll try to think of a way to edit in a way so it still fits.